Summer Lost

01 DRAWING 1
02 FRENCH 2
03 ENR PATT COMM
04 LUNCH
05 PE
06 CHEMISTRY ENR
07 ANCIENT HIST
08 HONORS ADV ALG

Talk about disbalance. I absolutely adore the morning - drawing, French, English. All my favorite subjects. The only bright spot in the afternoon is history. Do you have any idea of the magnitude of willpower I am going to need to succeed at last-period algebra?

Toured school for the first time today. Alternating smells of exhaust and bacon, sloppy-looking janitors. Chubby trios of girls in boring brown belts and boho camis, purses tucked into their armpits. Staircases not marked on the map, a locker in the three thousands tucked into the farthest corridor on the third floor. That's my environment, my friends, my schedule for the next one hundred and seventy days. Starting tomorrow.

Was that really me, screaming for "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the shadowy theatre crowd? Fumbling words talking to French schoolgirls? Trying on Diesel jeans in Colorado? Splashing, sprinting through underwater quicksand? Watching the boy watching me, watching the boys who'll never watch me?

And will it be me, walking up and down staircases, faking friendly smiles, still fumbling French, still watching boys?

And how much of that will anybody but me ever see?

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
- Coldplay, "Fix You"