Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Don't Panic

What stresses you?

What relaxes you?

I'll stay up all night, doing homework or planning outfits or just jumping on my bed. I'll wake up with dark shadows, but I'd rather run out of the house with wet hair and no makeup than miss my bus. It stresses me how much French I've forgotten over the summer, but when I sat down to practice guitar for the first time in three months I was only struck by how much I remembered.

But in the last week, my biggest stress hasn't been that I'm coming down with something, that I get no sleep, or that I only own half as many pairs of jeans as a girl needs. It's honors advanced algebra.

Not just that it's difficult to make it there on time, or that I'm among very few freshmen, or that it's last period and my energy is long wilted. Math is what it seems I can't do well in, no matter how hard I try. Which is very, very hard, and more so every year.

I could drop to an easier class. Well, of course I could. Do you think I ever would?

The first quiz is Thursday - it's on our homework, done with our homework out. An easy grade. And I know what will happen when it's announced in two days' time. My heart will sieze up and beat its way out of my chest. The hints of an invisible, icy sweat. Maybe I'll bite my lip. You wouldn't know it to look at me, nervously squeezing my eraser. I'm scared to death. I want to curl in a corner and whimper.

What relaxes me? Krispy Kreme. A cozy sweatshirt. A favorite story. Yoga pants warm out of the dryer. Bedtime. "Lyla" and "Good Day Sunshine". Doing a problem correctly the first time.

What stresses me? Failure.
One, two tries won't do it
You do it all your life and you never get through it
Everything they had to say
Had been erased in just one day

- The Strokes, "I Can't Win"

15 Comments:

Blogger Annie said...

Oh, my poor baby. Never ending hugs, as usual. And transfer to North and be in Algebra I with ME!!

August 30, 2005 4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still deciding whether I should go to North or Central. zz

August 30, 2005 7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. That was me, spencer. For some reason the username/pass isn't working with Mozilla. Stupid Blogger.

August 30, 2005 7:36 PM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

Hey if you were in MY HAA class I could help you =/ ...

Hey, at least you're not deathly competative and involved in a bunch of extracurriculars. Trying to get better and sucking while you're doing makes you feel like crap...

Y'know, if you ever want help, you can always ask me, even if you ARE going to Central, just because their colors are red and white.

August 30, 2005 7:38 PM  
Blogger chronoflare said...

North!!!!! North!!!! Uhm yeah spencer choose north.... Anyhow... Lucky my first quizes was yesterday, and

August 31, 2005 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah i have hw quizzes for chem and precalc....ahhhhhhhhhh.

August 31, 2005 8:27 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

...and?

August 31, 2005 8:27 PM  
Anonymous Gina said...

i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MATH!!!!!!!!!!! sooooooooooooooo much!!!!! ahh!!!! anyway, were you gonna join debate w/ me? maybe it wasnt you.. but i remember some ppl said, and no one kenw there was a meeting today, but i went lalala. sorry i didnt go on the bus w/ you :( *tear*. well anyway... lol... yay LYLA!! GO OASIS! i swear to god i have it on that one cd... or im just retarded... as always lol
<333,gina xoxo
lala see you at 6:30!!!! FUCK OUR BUS! ha im done

August 31, 2005 10:41 PM  
Blogger Dana said...

If at first you don't succeed...parachuting is not for you.

September 01, 2005 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Alison said...

"Math is what it seems I can't do well in"

You're in HAA. You have to have some kind of math smarts. I, on the other hand, was too lazy for even Geometry. It took an unbelievable amount of stress off, but the intellegence in the room is really...well...low.

So, just a warning if you want to drop. I'm glad i did though.

September 01, 2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger Shuffs said...

HAA isnt actually too hard. we've learned everything they're teaching us (well... for my class anyway) from croco already.

go croco!! w00t

September 01, 2005 7:52 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

ANNA!! get online, i wanna talk to you!! annie got a homecoming date and is amazingly excited so TALK TO ME!!

September 02, 2005 5:15 PM  
Blogger The Great Blue Donkey said...

OMFG!!!!! EVERYTHING THEY'RE TEACHERING US IN LIKE ENR CHEM AS WELL CROCO TAUGHT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... now just imagine also sitting next to this guy who perhaps likes you and always acts gay and sings songs with lyrics like "i think im in love", "can you do it like this, can you do it like that" and "I need you, i cant live with out you" when you're the only girl close enough to hear. Then add the fact that he also says stuff like "you're my savior." then "im gunna kill you".... yea... really anna, you'll do just fine, i know you can. If anything, just contact croco through email...wow that was long...

September 02, 2005 10:53 PM  
Blogger chronoflare said...

enr chem is pretty boring rite now.. I just did a retarded lab on volume by displacement...

September 03, 2005 9:40 AM  
Anonymous "cameragirl and hairstylist extraodinare" emily :-) said...

you sound like you're having fun! im not even in school yet! (i dont start until...tuesday the 6th)HAHHAHAHHAHAAH HEHEHHE anyway...enjoy you're school...oh and by the way, matt straus is going to the other high school...not the same one as you...oh welll...thanks for the mention about the bubble pic hehhee ttyl

oh, did you by any chance pick up two pamphlets for We Will Rock You!?

September 03, 2005 12:16 PM  

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