Sunday, March 04, 2007

Empty Emotional Life

The memory of a movie from biology class chills me still. A woman in a lab coat was opening little taupe drawers, years' worth of flu strains, all ice-encrusted. I'm shivering remembering the creaking and scraping and crunching. I kicked a piece of ice down the sidewalk Friday night and spilled my hot chocolate at the cold clattering. I crave warm weather.

I've had nothing to write about for ages. The "with girls" is rubbing off my low-tops and they're getting to say "You're gonna have to change or you're gonna have to go". Just where?

I bought plaid short-shorts. I want to learn to cartwheel on the lawn at the middle school where Stefanie tried to teach me years ago. Her brother, the one we were at the middle school to pick up, he's in college.

I need to find a box, pack up all the rest of the cookies, have a shower, pay Vogue, re-red my hair, find my hemp and beads and Neko Case album and clean socks. I'm running my lips over a quarter that hasn't been clean since 1976. It's getting to the point at which I'm willing to just round up and say I haven't had a boyfriend for a year. Seventeen and Jamba Juice and professional blonde and Tiffany silver and Gwen Stefani would probably win me one. Fake it 'til you make it? Take it 'til you break it?

I always remember a phrase from the days when I got teen-girl magazines, some terribly typical list of ways to get the attention of "that cutie in biology". I thought it was silly, because I wasn't in biology, and there wasn't a "cutie" anywhere, and I tell everyone how much I like them and they ignore me anyway.
Working the village shop
Putting a poster up
Dreaming of anything
Dreaming of the time when you are free from all the trouble you're in

In the mud, on your knees
Trying hard not to please
Anyone, all the time
Being a rebel's fine
But you go all the way to being brutal
- Belle & Sebastian, "Lazy Line Painter Jane"


Anonymous K said...

Madamoiselle Smoothie

ha ha ha HA HAAAA HA ha. I've had nothing to write about for MONTHS. anyways, take my quiz. The average score should be one. I'm afraid to tell people who I like (with exception of my close friends) for obvious reasons.

Your picture looks SOOOO red and SOOO Emo. I wonder how Mars is? Isn't there a yaoi called "Mars"? Take my quiz.

I haven't been on the Internet social scene for a while. Need to re-bloom and re-redo my blog.


Monsieur K.

PS: If this is a repeat comment, delete it. My browser messes up a lot.

March 04, 2007 2:02 PM  
Anonymous Spencer said...

Hey, by some random chance I remembered your blog on the same day you made the first post in..a month. What happened?

Let me know next time you have free time.. a half day or something. We gotta hang out. Drumline auditions are soon so after that I'll have probably signed my soul to whatever mad practice schedule Russell comes up with.

March 04, 2007 9:37 PM  
Blogger Ophelia said...

I used to clip out lists from teen magazines that I thought would come in handy. Even lists to fix an acne problem, but I didn't even have an acne problem.

RYC: I'd like to think everyone needs a fat lady.

March 06, 2007 11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's not always about having boyfriends... stop being so sad all the time - it's kinda depressing

March 08, 2007 4:40 PM  

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