Friday, May 04, 2007

I'm Always So Far Behind

At the bottom of the backend, fifty posts down, are the things I wrote a year ago. "I Can't Act Blanche", and today I couldn't act Fantine either. I always pronounced "Tearstrip" like tears - today is the first day ever I've seen it could be about tearing apart.

We always were too much like a romance. I feel like I always knew it. Do you remember "Superficiality Hates Beautiful Things"? We traded things too beautiful, and I know you never, ever wear my earrings, never did, don't care to fake it. We had hip, heart, hair, total strangers, and "something so special that it can only be discussed late at night in quiet places" - I know we did! I can't remember, I've blocked it out so I won't cry at night, but I know we did, I know we did.

I hope you're enjoying the most one-sided ending ever. Read what you wrote yourself on "I Don't Care If You Don't", for the love of God! You're all poison. If I could I'd break into your laboratory, search until I found the antidotes you've lost. Sick to our stomachs, rolling down hills drinking soda, it's the sort of thing only I miss. What are you rolling now?

So mock the people who want to be with me. I used to draw people I didn't like as murky-colored essences, bubbling in flasks. You've got somebody beautiful trying to swim in acid. I still dress like your paper doll, still act like your marionette. Let me tell you, they've been loyal.
Are you my friend when I need one?
I need someone to be one,
Take anybody I can get
Sometimes I wanna call you,
And I feel like a pet,
And I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

- The White Stripes, "I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet)"


Blogger MelonHead said...

Hard to think it's been almost a year since I've last had a boyfriend. I don't remember the date that it happened and that might be the strangest part of all. I guess your brain can excuse somethings that you shouldn't think about.

May 04, 2007 10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.

May 05, 2007 7:14 AM  
Anonymous Sparrow said...

hah, my first impression of the pic was you having a pirates eyepatch for some reason

May 07, 2007 10:03 PM  

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