Monkey Business

Monkeys are passionate about bananas, you know? Every monkey's had a banana, and almost every monkey has a favorite banana or two. Bananas aren't cheap, but it'd be a pretty sad life to just sit around and watch all the other monkeys enjoy them.

Now, kiwi. (Those monkeys in Eurojungle call 'em kiwifruit.) Kiwi are just as good as bananas, and much more available. Kiwi don't come with all the fun packaging a banana's got, but bananas can be pretty tough to unpeel sometimes. Kiwi are somewhat more likely to be rotten, but kiwi are free.

Introducing the Fruit Industry Association of Amerijungle. The old furballs at the FIAA, from the pygmy marmosets all the way up to the great apes, hate kiwi. Kiwi means that the fruit-craving monkey can take a quick swing through the jungle and pick any variety he wants. Kiwi means they'll have to cut into their tasty banana profits, already heading down the vines.

The FIAA's businessmonkeys are in a panic. They try getting fruit growers to urge the monkulence in the right direction, but what self-regarding simian is going to be fooled by a thinly-disguised plea from Big Fruit? They make the front leaf cracking down on a few kiwi dealers, but still, nobody's scared.

When the clever little monkeys at some totally unrelated fruit company came out with banana-kiwi hybrids, the deepest corners of the FIAA monkeys' minds hopefully realized they're screwed. Everybody's got kiwi, and there's more being grown every day.

Your average adolescent monkey doesn't have a group of monkeys to stand at the base of the FIAA's national treequarters and holler things like, "This shit is bananas!" But the great uncombed realizes that the FIAA'd and the whole government of Amerijungle would have to start acting like old Furry Munkastro down south to eradicate kiwi. That trying to regulate the trade of small, furry brown objects would quash the innocent industries responsible for hampsters and toupees.

That, after working so hard on evolving, the FIAA ought to realize that monkey business is for the fittest, too. Adapt, or you're a dinosaur.