Friday, January 20, 2006

The Value of Nothing

Today is terrible. Oh, it was, it was!

So it's a refrigerator. The meat drawer's a "deli chiller". A delicatession cooling off in your refrigerator! Yours! Yours, with all its useless grooves, dinged metal trim, and five-sided corners full of old crumbs. It would make me laugh if I didn't have to wash the whole damn thing. The produce drawers aren't even nouns. They're labeled "garden fresh". They're adjectives!

They're adjectives! They're stupid adjectives and I'm glad it's not my refrigerator. Garden fresh came to your state in a truck and to your kitchen in a plastic bag. "Garden fresh" is a stupid yuppie adjective for stupid wannabes who wish they had a garden. They don't even wish, they wish they wished and they'll never be seen with a trowel. Victory!

Victory! Ha. You say they look better. What you mean is that they're white. Refrigerators are white, too. You'd never think of thinking that, but I know you better than you do and better than you'll ever know. The extrovert's metacognition! And you would say that you know me better than I do, in your fashion. I know your fashion! I do!

I know, I do! I can see your socks, and your lock doesn't match your knob. Both our Bibles have the same stupid plastic binding, but mine was lost on purpose years ago. I dumped it in a drawer and left without it. It's not garden fresh! No one sent a truck after it! It's there still, with its stupid four-ribbon bookmark. I remember making that thing. I was disapointed that we were only supposed to use it in our Bibles. I tried it in other books, but it didn't work. Victory, victory!

Victory! Can't use the bookmark without opening the Bible. They won that battle. I won the war. If I cared, I would be crusading for you. I don't care! Ha! You're think you're being fed from the Garden of Eden, but it all came in plastic bags. It's all stale, but you can't tell. You're being fed hard plastic! That's an oxymoron you've never even thought about. You hypocrite!

Ces cocons plastiques! Rien! Mon Dieu! I never hit left shift. I have a left brain. I'm always right! I'm always right! Non! Non!

Si, I'm always right! Sit and dine on your garden fresh tomatoes. They're white in the middle and you're pretending the red is for sacrifice. Candy cane, candy cane. Who was it that said bloody steak was full of colored water? That's twisted, they are, and you are too! Hypocrite, you hypocrite! Twist and shout, because my head's been screaming all day.

You bought a new van the first year of your band
You're cool and I hardly wanna say, "Not!", because, I'm so bored
That I'd be entertained even by a stupid fuckin linoleum floor, linoleum floor
Your lyrics are dumb like a linoleum floor
I'll walk on it! I'll walk all over you
Walk on it, walk on it, walkin, one, two

Who? Who? Who? Who?
-Le Tigre, "Deceptacon"


Anonymous Sophie said...

Oooh, hyper OCD-ish indignation, I see. Poor baby.

January 20, 2006 10:23 PM  
Anonymous Shelby said...

Youre right. I didnt understand it.

Please DePuzzle...?

January 20, 2006 10:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

every day and night
every day and nighhhhtttt

i can see your disco disco dick is sucking
my heart out of my mind

im outta time im outta fucking time

January 21, 2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger The Great Blue Donkey said...

oh my, you know, I hate our freezer. That and the little part where the freezer conects to the refrigerator and makes it all cool. Yup yup. I had to clean out or freezer once, and all cuz I stuck a can of coke in there and forgot about it. It looked pretty cool though, I have to tell ya.

January 21, 2006 9:33 PM  
Anonymous Alison said...


Anna's snapped.

You sound like a ranting frenchwoman.

January 22, 2006 6:07 PM  
Anonymous gina said...

okay anna..
refrigerators suck.

actually i like mine.
the things in it taste good <3
well.. most of the things.
btw that has got to be my favourite song ever besidesl ike wonderwall and all the other good ones.
i finally love your taste in music. lol
le tigreeeeeee bitches
-gina xoxo

January 28, 2006 8:49 PM  

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