Tuesday, August 22, 2006

And Your Enemies Closer

Don't I just feel like a teenager. Love drama drama! I think it's mature of us that we're all so damn sorry, and young that not a one of us is going to stop. I could fix it all if I could, couldn't I? If I could control myself the whole untamed thing would be over. I can't. If I could, I don't know if I would.

Looking at any other boy I can't have, I find that I don't want them anyway. I'm distanced from everyone. I'm fond of nearly everybody, but I don't need hardly anyone. Am I adjusted? Mellowed? Just lonely.

The words "he doesn't love you anymore" have resurfaced recently. I'm avoiding clasping my hands again. Well, someone else will have a much easier time getting to Indianapolis than I would. Could we still run to meet each other?

My eyes are itching again and tears aren't helping. I touched something in a plastic bag from chemistry last year and the stings haven't left my fingers. I was going to throw away some old orange goo, but I made a heart shape with it and decided I'd keep it. Maybe you will have somebody to give it to, I thought.

An orange goo heart, annA? I know you fell, but I thought the scars on your knees were gone.

I'm faking it, dear, because I have to.

I suspect my stomach and heart might have traded places when all the little things on my desk started to remind me of when I wanted you to touch them. I broke out in a sweat so cold I had to take off all my clothes. I should have known love and hate can fuse.

Oh, quit crying, both of us. When I stop listening to this song I'll remember that this year is starting so much sunnier than the last ended. Every ounce of my crazy cocky confidence is back. I can make faces like that one. I'll get what I want, and time isn't any object. That's even funny. Time is intangible. I'll be nicer, I'll do well in every class, I'll look great, and I'll have friends from eight til three at least. Don't watch the lines under my eyes, because I want to be the only one who knows that I'm living on three hours of sleep.

I really do think you're impossibly cooler than me. Did you know there are Decaturs in eleven states? Good luck finding out what happened in 1922. Thank you for showing me you're not perfect. The Little Engine That Could said, "I think I can". I think I can? I will. Eeoyre said, "It's not much of a tail, but I'm kind of attached to it." Ours isn't much of a tale, but we'll both win in the end, and I love you to death.
Well if I remain passive and you just want to cuddle,
Then we should be okay and we won't get in a muddle

- Belle & Sebastian, "Seeing Other People"

3 Comments:

Anonymous lover boy said...

cringe

August 23, 2006 7:29 PM  
Anonymous Alison said...

I got your kiss.

I'm so glad you don't hate me, because I love you so much. When can we meet at the merging sidewalks?

And there's no way I'd go to Indianapolis without you.

August 23, 2006 7:47 PM  
Anonymous Alice/son said...

Hey, look, the only time I ever went to Indianapolis was with you! Five years...

Don't mind me creeping your highschool blog. I was trying to conjure 2006 for myself.

December 01, 2011 4:57 PM  

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