Saturday, March 18, 2006

Don't Worry

"Alex, where the hell are we going?"

Risky crosswalks and an alley after electrical workers are glancing at us as we climb a fire escape. It's a nice fire escape, bronzy and not rusty, and we go up three stories. At the top of the fire escape is a silvery ladder with a skinny round rungs. He doesn't ask me to follow; he hoists his bag over his neck and climbs up out of sight.

I pause. If I left, how long would it take him to notice?

That thought didn't occur. I stash my purse in my satchel, hoist it up, and climb. The tops of ladders are awkward places, but I get onto the roof. It's like mine, flat and silver. I haven't been on my roof in ages. There's little funnier than waking up to the sritchy stomping of feet overhead. That thought didn't occur either. I'm not thinking of anybody who might be below us. We're the only people listening to this roof.

He sits contemplatively, still yards away but now so within my reach. The sun's warm if you're really feeling for it. Imagine it. The world's empty because you're above it all. Time stops when I cross the gutter. How long has it been since I was in love on a sunny day? What I'm thinking of are so many other moments that have made the universe improbable. Last weekend, jumping off the train. Years ago, jumping fences with don't-you-know-who. Don't you know, I've jumped it all.

I give him three weeks; he gave me three days. For all that I'll trust him anyway. Eat your heart out. I'm delighted. (Evil's disgusted.) On top of a ceiling, what a place.
Time without you drags me down,
It all feels right with you around,
It all feels light with you around

- Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Let Me Know"

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I'd've Picked Peach

I'd have left them on the bush, though. I'd have run in to grab you, pulled you back out to see. Then it would start drizzling, like mist on sweet fruit, and we would stand out there long enough to be both soaked. Maybe after that we could go inside and light candles.

I'm wondering now if we ever will, if you're really like that anywhere and you're not just saying that. I've wanted to trust you since you first asked me to. You fit my gloves - and ruined them, too, damn you - and I'm suitably impressed. I think you could fit right into me.

Now just look at me long enough to see I'm the best and freshest. I am stability, I am sincerity, I could be so good for you. I am yours, don't forget to claim me.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Rebellion

Nothing will surprise you, because you're afraid of the new.

You don't notice how often my power comes from being unavailable.

Your self-perserving knee-jerks were tired to begin with.

It's funny that you'll lock me in and trust me with the key.

You're stupid because you make the same mistake with God.

It's charming how my time is worth so much to you, when I so clearly don't mind wasting yours.

I love how you underestimate me, because it means that I'll beat you.

So I'm alone. I wish it could last. My music plays into the quiet and for me alone. I can listen to the obscenely-tongued without question, the classic without teasing. Why is that funny, anyway?

I'm sorry, Necker, that I'll never understand how your family was cut from the same cloth and sewn into the same quilt. I hope you understand that you'll always be a little warmer than me.
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
'Cause you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black, it is hollow, it is cold
- Nine Inch Nails, "The Hand That Feeds"

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Regret Isn't Fair

Suppose you fell for someone. You're absolutely crazy. Everyone would tease you about it. (You know it's because they're secretly in love, too.) You resolve never to tell a soul.

Then Evil A sits down next to you and figures it out in fifteen seconds flat.

I'm wondering what fifteen seconds would be like curved. When he rested his hand on my hip, all I had to do was touch it. That's all it might have taken!

When's my turn? He laughed when I said I was timid, but he shatters hearts like a whole tray's worth of shaky-handled teacups.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Lights Up

Information spreads ridiculously well. No, watch it. It's all over every paper all around you. It's humming all around your telephone and all around your keys. It's waiting behind the dark screen of the television. It's in the air, invisible, audible, or flying.

It's been duplicated again and again. What's going to become of all that paper? Thrown away? It'll grow into more paper! Recycled? It'll get there faster. Where are all the radio signals going? Every word anyone says, it goes out forever, weaker and weaker. What information created who you are? What was written on your page before it became yours? Does it make a difference? Don't you wonder?

It flows out of nothing. How do we know where you are when we've got your phone and it would electrocute you right now, anyway? No, really, how do we? Why do new things keep coming to light when we're all sitting in the dark?

It's mostly rubbish and it's mostly mystery. There's people behind every stupid infomercial! Can you hardly believe that? There's something that will always make me laugh. So many people working together, throwing energy all over the place. Look at all we have to show for it.